There’s an adage in pidgin English which says “conny man die, conny man bury am”. If you’re Nigerian or have relations with Nigerians then you must have heard or probably spoken these words yourself! So in this episode, the ‘conny men’ were myself and this funny taxi driver! See how I’m already typing away, hian! Forgive me o jare.
Its been awhile on here especially in this series, “Chronicles of An Abuja Road User”. If I apologize now, you’ll say I’ve come again with my ceaseless apologies. Lol…..but you know they say that a gentle answer soothes the soul (or spirit..or something. Pardon me! Graduating after many years is finally taking its toll on me…hehehe). If you follow me on my Instagram handle, then you must have seen one of my instastories where I stated that I would be focusing more on my youtube channel. And that is exactly what has been going on.
TO THE MAIN GIST, AGJ TRIBERS!
So I had been hearing of one particular restaurant in our beautiful city of Abuja and I just knew I needed to see things for myself. Why……you may wonder. What’s so special about this particular restaurant?
“Haaa…… A lot o, my darling, a whole lot. Let me tell you why”.
You see, I love food…(laughs), even though I can be selective and picky about what I eat. That’s a whole story for another because you’ll think I’m super weird to be human and that would distract you from the main gist of this post.
I recently started to love more of burgers so I quickly found me a restaurant that makes really delicious burgers in Abuja. This place is called Jabi Boat Club and their burger cost 2500 in Nigerian Naira (between $6-$10). It was worth it so I always went there whenever I needed to snack on some burger.
Fastforward to few weeks back, Tope posted about this other restaurant on her Instagram handle. I saved the post because I just knew that I had to visit that restaurant. They sold a platter which consists of a burger, 4 chicken wings, 1 hotdog and some fries. Now guys, this platter costs N1800. It was jaw-dropping the first time I heard it because I knew that a really tasty burger should cost N2500 yet you are telling me that this one is N1800 + all the orisirisii that comes with it!
“Ahhhh….Iro o (its not true o), I have to be a doubting Thomas in this one o. I must see it for myself o. I must. I certainly must”
So I decided to visit this Burger disney land. Hehehe. I screenshotted the address because in this Abuja, if you are not careful, you will miss your way and anyone who tries to find you might miss his way as well if they are not careful too. It was a win-win since I vlogged the entire journey on my youtube channel so I enjoyed myself whilst creating content for my youtube subscribers.
“What did they say about being happy when doing things you are passionate about again? Hahaha….. Oya lets continue….”
I finally decided to visit this place, Tuck Shop Nigeria.
I boarded a bus into town and took a taxi to take me straight to the location of the restaurant. When I flagged down the first taxi, the driver didn’t sound too sure of the screenshotted address I showed him. He said he knew the area and might remember the exact location when we got there. He wanted to use me to learn work so I turned down his offer.
As soon as I flagged down the second taxi and showed him the address, he quickly retorted that he knew the place very well. He assured me that we’d be there in 10mins. He sounded confident so I quickly bargained on his price and got in the front seat with him. And as if I knew, I quickly told the driver that a friend had hinted that the easiest way to get to the restaurant was to follow the road directly opposite the street where Diamond bank was located. He nodded in agreement and started the journey. Fifteen minutes into the ride, the restaurant was nowhere in sight. Hollywood horror movie scenes tried flashing through my but I said, not today satan. Haha…
I looked at driver, down the road amd straight at the driver again.
Me: Oga, I thought you said you know the place na….
Driver: ehnn….I suppose know am o. (Sounding unsure.. Points towards his side mirrow)
Me: You suppose? Oga, you for tell me say you no know the place o. And I ask you o. Even the road wey dey opposite Diamond wey you suppose follow, you no gree follow dey form say you know there. Abeg just turn back to that road, it should be along the road in front.
Oga driver refused o and instead, drove into the next road and went into the street opposite the bank. I reminded him that it was not supposed to be a street but a road. He threw a little tantrum, muttered something inaudibly and drove into the road opposite the said bank. Uncle continued driving round and drove me straight to Federal Secretariat Abuja. I started shouting at him to stop the car and handed him the fare he charged. He shot me an angry look and said the fare had increased.
Ngwanu, the Igbo woman in me came alive…lolz
“Isi gini? (What did you say?) Increa…wetin? How? After wasting my time for more than one hour abi? Instead of you to say you don’t know the place, you just started saying what you are not. Now you are costing extra money because I’m going to take another cab.”
He looked at me sheepishly and says I should enter again so he can take me there this time around.
Hian! Me? I no kuku answer the man again.
While holding the fare, I flagged down another taxi and showed him the address. The other grudgingly collected his fare from me amd walked back to his car.
People of God, in less than 7minutes, I arrived my destination. By the time I got there, I was so exhausted that I just sat for five minutes without saying a word to anyone!
These Abuja taxi drivers want to put me in trouble in this town but guess what I said to them?
“Not today, oga.” Lolz…..
In other news, I encountered some Boko Haram men while on the journey. Watch it here
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