Rita and Iyke got married in 2016 but their child, Favor didn’t arrive until almost three years (About 6 weeks to their third-year anniversary).
They didn’t prepare for that kind of wait so it was a bit strange for them to manage.
In a society where people count the months for you after your wedding, you will agree with me that a wife’s stomach is a sure spot they focus on whenever they see her.
If there are no signs of protrusion after some months, people will begin to
drink paracetamol on your own headache worry on your behalf. As honest as this worry may appear to be, there is a way not to communicate it to, or interact with those who are faithfully trusting God to bless them with a child.
Unfortunately, some people don’t know this. This is the reason for this article, to help those who need this knowledge.
Few months after Rita and Iyke got married, an elderly woman asked wifey, “what was happening”. That kind of question is easy to understand when asked of a newlywed.
But the woman didn’t stop there. She was quite audacious with the wrong energy when she asked if they were pregnancies already. That was the question that broke the last straw of the communication between that couple and the woman in question.
This is just a typical example of the many others that people who supposedly have genuine concerns for waiting-to-conceive couples (WTCCs) ask. These questions often times are asked jovially and harmlessly but they pile unsuspecting pressure on WTCCs when asked carelessly.
When newlyweds don’t appear to be expecting a baby as soon as you expect (even if I don’t know why it should be any of your business anyway 🤷) you need to know that many factors could be responsible for this.
Firstly, they may choose to wait for a while before raising a child. You might not necessarily like it but it is their choice. Please, respect it.
Secondly, their job requirement may require them not to have a child within X and Y period after they took a job and they want to comply. Besides, they could be going through a health challenge they don’t even understand themselves.
If the last instance is the case, imagine the pressure they are under as they make efforts to understand their body and how it has changed since after marriage.
Now, imagine that it is during this period that a ‘supposed’ friend comes up with a list of questions during a telephone call to include:
- Rita, what’s happening? Are you not pregnant yet?
Emmanuel, when will your wife give us a baby?
When are we coming to eat rice? (“As if they’re rice factory workers”.. haha)
Is it your husband that is ‘not a man’?
Does she have fertility problem?
Why are you not pregnant yet?
None of the questions above are bad on their own. When and how they are asked are usually the issues to be careful of.
When your friend or someone you can call your daughter or son appears to be struggling with conception, it is not a time to interview them.
Rather, it is a time to study and pray for them. If you can’t do any of these two, it will be good you “park well”.
Study? Yes! You need to first study them from afar to know what is wrong. This is what should precede anything. It is this study that will make you wise on how to approach them. You don’t want to start your conversation with the non-conception issue straightaway.
You want to make the environment of discussion relaxed and informal be it on phone or physically. You want to make them calm and able to trust you that you mean well for them to have thought of discussing it with them. You want to talk generally for a while before you gradually approach this sore topic that makes them emotional and weep in privacy.
You also want to make sure their feeling is more important. You don’t want to come off as one demigod who knows them more than themselves. If this discussion makes them open up to you, they have done this because they need help to sort out their struggles. Give it as much as you can.
More importantly, you want to pray for WTCCs. They are already distressed and perhaps don’t understand what’s wrong themselves. This thing needs prayer and action. You want to advise them to stay strong while they explore every legitimate medical treatment and options.
The period of waiting is a daunting time for any one. Therefore, if you are privy to a person’s pains in this regard, you owe them the duty of encouragement. It is not a time to use them to raise prayer points if you’re not praying for them.
Relating with those waiting to conceive requires much more wisdom. If you don’t know how to approach it, sit back and imagine you are in their shoes. How would you want to be talked to regarding your challenge? Casually? Jovially? Jokingly?