Okay….this has got to be the best movie I’ve seen lately….One Way Action Film) One blow, seven akpoos…..hahaha. It was funny, annoying, hilarious and intriguing all at the same time. Oh, I remember what’s it’s called now…..mixed feelings. All I keep saying whenever I remember the incident is, “Na wa ooo. People get mind o. Chei!”. Read on and let me know what you think about this young man…
So I had traveled to Imo State for a brief assignment and decided to travel back to ‘the Buj’ (Lolz…that’s the new slang for Abuja o. Lasgidi is to Lagos as the Buj is to Abuja…you get?)
First of all, I wasn’t all excited with the journey. The cashier at the transport terminal scammed me of NGN500. She promised to give me the seat directly behind the driver but ended up scribbling an entirely different sitting position in my ticket, after collecting my money ooo.
So I just sat quietly in the bus as we traveled while praying that the old man sitting beside me wouldn’t fall asleep. If he did, it meant that I’d either become his armrest or pillow and I wouldn’t want to be subjected to that for that 9-10 hours of my life.
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Everything was going according to my prayer request until I jerked up from my sleep. You can laugh at me right now because I still laughed at myself while writing this post.
Everyone in/outside my bus was talking at the same time. I checked a signpost by the road and saw that we were at Benin. We were on a narrow road which was also very bad. Next thing I heard was…”tawaiiiii (the sound of an outstanding slap). Hey God! 😳 I traced the direction of the sound and the next thing I saw was a Mopol officer’s hand leaving a young man’s face. Let’s call this young man, Chung Lui.
As an investigative journalist that I am (winks), I started putting the puzzles pieces together. Oya, hear gist!
So Chung Lui was trying to overtake my bus and the long trailer in our front at the same time. Then there was another oncoming trailer on the left. My first thought was, “how can you even try to overtake two trailers on that narrow road at the same time? Uncle, how is it doing you now?”
Now, behind the trailer on our left was a Senator’s entourage and you know how it is in Naija now…they’re always in a hurry to heaven knows where. And now, Chung Lui is delaying them.
One of the Mopol officers came to salvage the situation. He made a way behind us and asked Chung Lui to reverse back into his lane so that the trailer and their boss could continue on their journey. Instead of uncle to jejely reverse, he turned off his engine, got out of the car and locked it.
“See thriller ooo….Hahaha”
Next came the blow he gave the Mopol officer who retaliated by successfully blinding Chung Lui’s right eye with a heavy muscular slap. Uncle screamed and checked his eye in his side mirror. As he was standing up, another Mopol gave him another slap that sent him to the floor. Chung Lui didn’t want to look like a chicken so he sprang up and started fighting the officer. The first officer fired a shot into the air from his AK 47 and the bullet landed straight on our windscreen.
“Isii gini?” I didn’t know when I shouted, “Na bullet be that oo. Na bullet be that o” and it made the old man beside me start fretting. Papa stood on his seat and started warning our driver to look for a way to get us out because he had to give his children the key to his room in their village before dieing. We laughed so hard that papa started threatening to come down and continue the journey with his legs instead. Lol. Back to Chung Lui for the concluding gist…….
Chung Lui made a phone call while insisting that the trailer and the entourage behind it must be the ones to reverse for him. I’m sure you’re wondering why he’s trying to kill himself by fighting six fully armed officers. Well, I did too so you’re not alone.
Few minutes later, we were all expecting an Army hilux van with probably ten soldiers jumping out to rescue Chung Lui but guess what? About seven boys from the village came out of nowhere without even as little as a stick to fight with their friend. At this point, my beloved AGJ reader, I just shook my head at their gullibility just before another Mopol officer threw a tear gas at Chung Lui and his friends.
Next thing I saw was Chung Lui being apprehended and dragged into the Mopol vehicle. Uncle suddenly realized his stupidity and started sobbing while begging them to let him go. Very funny…..hahahahahaha
I’m sure this is one of the reasons why people are asked not to drink and drive. Chung Lui was obviously drunk from his late night orgies and was being led on by his “highness”. Most importantly was that we could finally continue our journey whilst trying to calm papa who went paranoid after seeing the tear gas episode.
The End! 😂😂😂
1. People get mind o – the pidgin version of ‘people are brave o’
2. Chei – an exclamation
3. Mopol officer – a mobile police officer
4. Naija – the pidgin word for ‘Nigeria’
5. Jejely – the pidgin word for ‘quietly, slowly’
6. Isii gini? – the Igbo way of saying ‘what did you say?’
7. Na bullet be that o – the pidgin version of ‘that is a bullet o)
Do share your thoughts below.
Do you have a story to tell about your road experiences while going to work, church, a party or traveling; and will like it to be featured on Abujagirlsjournal?
Let me know in the comment section below or send a mail directly to me (Shuga) via firstname.lastname@example.org